I don't think I should be in a relationship right now, at least not the relationship I'm in right now. I haven't written much about him on here. You never know who's reading. But I'll take the risk. So for the last year I've been dating a great guy... we'll call him Mr. Sweetheart. I know it's not the most creative name, but I can't think of anything else. He really is sweet. I met him about a year ago through a friend and we dated for about 3 months before his company transferred him to another city (10 hours away). Those first 3 months were great. Especially after 'The Rebound'. It was nice to be with someone who could carry an intelligent conversation and was so thoughtful and gentle. We talked a lot, which I love because we all know how much I love talking.
Most of our relationship has been long distance. After his move, we still talked every day, but only saw each other every 2 months or so. The last time I visited him, I discovered that I didn't feel that same excitement I felt before. I know this sounds stupid. I tried to ignore it for months and every time it popped into my head, I'd try to think about something else... so mature, isn't it? I just felt like this is a good guy and I don't want to screw this up just because I'm not feeling the chemistry I was feeling before. I assumed it was because of the whole long distance thing. Well, his company has now transferred him back. I was happy and assumed the 'chemistry' would surly come back now since it was all due to the distance.
To my absolute horror, it's not back!! I'm so mad at myself I feel like this is so ridiculous. I'm a grown woman! I've met a nice, intelligent, dependable, patient guy and I'm bitching about chemistry. I swear, I don't know what's wrong with me. Is this normal? Maybe I have a problem that I never realized. I've been wanting a guy with these exact characteristics and when I finally get it, this is what I do! Look how I sabotage my life! I can never, ever complain about my love life again! Well, actually that's not true, I'm sure I'll be ranting about it shortly. But seriously, I've never had a problem with chemistry before. I have all the chemistry in the world with the wrong guys.
So I'm still thinking about what I should do. Maybe the chemistry will eventually come back? What do you guys think? Is this childish? Do I need therapy? Don't say yes to that last one. Remember that food is considered a luxury I can barely afford right now.
Oh, and I haven't abandoned my new positive attitude to life.
6 years ago
8 comments:
I think this is normal. So you found a great guy that has it all (or seems to) so what? If the chemistry isnt there, it isnt there. You dont marry a guy just because he's a good guy. I mean yeah that has a LOT to do with it (we hope) but that's not WHY you marry someone. Granted after marriage the chemistry can slow down but THEN it does come back, eventually. If you cant see yourself loving this person for the rest of your life, find another great guy you CAN. It may be a slow process, but trust me, the RIGHT guy will come along. Dont settle for Mr. Sweet-but-not-for-me simply because he's there.
In the mean time, go out with some girl friends (there are no-money things you can do together, like going to someones house or window shopping at the mall or volunteering) and just get to know YOU. Two cant become one if you dont know who you are to begin with. Took me forever to learn that one. Take some time off guys and learn more about you, focus on your carreer, earn more $$ to buy luxeries like food. etc.
I hope that helped and wasnt too Dr. Phill'ish (I dont even watch Dr. Phill I sure as heck dont want to SOUND like him lol)
Believe me, this is normal!! It happens - sometimes, you meet a great guy, but he's not the right one for you. He may make a much better friend, than boyfriend. One thing you should never do is settle for anything less than you deserve!! It's always hard to realize that something isn't what you expected it to be, but you can't blame yourself of think there is something wrong with you for it! You're actually a better person to realize it as opposed to just sitting back and ignoring it!! Good luck with everything - I'm sure your positive attitude will help :)
Last year around this time I was seeing a great catch too. He was more than handsome, in great shape, and was involved in a lot of activities. One night I was laying next to him thinking, "How in the world is this guy after me...he is amazing!" I kept telling myself that I was lucky, but I just wasn't feeling a spark. We didn't do too much talking while we dated which was a mistake. This let me see that physical attributes are definitely not the most important thing when selecting a guy. I believe that you'll know it's right when everything feels easy. If you have any doubts, you owe it to yourself and to him...to just let go.
Chemistry is important. Hopefully spending more time together will re-light that fire!
It's normal. Chemistry is very important and it definitely helps in the long run to ensure a happy relationship.
Ditch the dude. LOL
If it's not there now, it's probably won't be later. But, give yourself a timeline and if you still aren't feeling the flame after xxx weeks, then you'll have to make a decision.
You're young and sparks should be flying 24/7 because they won't later when you're married and have kids. Good luck!
Thank you SO much for the award and I apologize for it taking so darn long to post it and send my thanks!
I'm starting to worry about you....I hope that you're okay. Come back soon :)
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