The gut factor - part 2

Continuing on from my Part 1 of my story, I was completely distraught over the end of my relationship with Mr. So-Not-Perfect. Our "break-up conversation" lasted hours. I don't know why we needed hours to talk about a relationship that neither one of us wanted. I remember talking to him until 4am and was so upset and exhausted that I couldn't even drag myself to work the next day.

I couldn't concentrate, couldn't sleep, couldn't even bear to tell my family and friends the news that we had broken up. As much as they loved him, many of them would probably be just as upset as I was. What shocked me was how quickly he was able to change the routine of talking to me every night. He didn't call me for days. Not only was I confused, I was hurt. I just never imagined that he would disappear like that. And then I did it... I made the dreaded late night call you're not supposed to make when something like this happens. Mr. So-Not-Perfect had the nerve to act like a complete jerk and even sounded annoyed to hear from me. At that moment it became painfully obvious that he had clearly moved on in just a few days!!! I heard what sounded like loud music blaring when I called him. He, normally a homebody, was out partying it up while I sat at home mourning the end of our relationship.

As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I'm ashamed to say, I kept thinking that this was just a hiccup and we would get past this. I was even planning a surprise trip to see him thinking that talking this out in person would fix it all. Finally my mom had enough with this and told me to get over it already, he's obviously not the man I thought he was and I should be grateful that this ended before it resulted in a failed marriage. Now, most people would snap out of it, but being the stubborn Diva I am, I didn't. However, that conversation with my mom made me realize that this really was the end of that relationship.

I didn't even want to be in this relationship yet I was depressed that it was over. At the time, I thought I was depressed about losing him. I later I realized that he had nothing to do with it! I was depressed about losing that life that I had envisioned for myself since I was a little girl, it wasn't about him at all. In fact, I was happy to be done with him. I just wanted to have the husband and kids I thought I would have by now. What the hell was I thinking? I'm so ashamed now. I think my ego was also really bruised. I had thought I would have to console him through our break-up and it turned out he was more than fine on his own.

So where is Mr. So-Not-Perfect today? We still talk from time to time. He insists on making the obligatory birthday and New Year's calls. I think he insists on staying in touch because he doesn't want to be labelled the bad guy who disappears after a break-up. I'm not sure why he still calls actually especially since I very RARELY return his calls. It took all the effort I could muster up not to call him back before. Now, I don't call back because I honestly don't remember to do so.

What's ironic is that he recently moved to my city to pursue a new job. I've heard little snippets of rumors that he had been dating other women during our relationship. To be honest, this is not something that phased me. I heard about this after I got over him and I couldn't be bothered enough to get more information. I don't really care, it just solidifies the fact that I was not meant to be with this man. Looking back, I realize that he really wasn't worth any of the hurt I felt.

I look back at that day we broke up and I consider it one of my luckiest days ever! Had that relationship continued I would have been an angry woman married to a man I never wanted to marry. I'm sure he's also happier without me. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I realize I'm not the type of woman he could be with nor is he the type of man I could see myself with ever.

What did I learn from this? Most often, my gut/intuition guides me. It was screaming at the top of it's lungs and all I had to do was follow, or at least listen. Life is easier when you listen to yourself.